Congratulations, you’ve survived pregnancy, birth, and the early days of parenthood! Now, let’s talk about sex after birth. Yes, that thing you once did without thinking about stitches, leaking boobs, or who got up at 3 a.m. last night. Postpartum intimacy is less a “switch” and more like learning a new dance…sometimes awkward, sometimes hilarious, often slower than you’d expect.
Understanding the Body
Pelvic Floor Changes
Pregnancy and childbirth can turn your pelvic floor into a bit of a mystery land. Sensation, strength, and control might feel different, and that’s totally normal. Think of your pelvic floor as a superhero that’s been through a battle; it just needs a little rehab. These changes can impact comfort during intercourse and overall sexual confidence.
Healing and Recovery
Every birth is unique. Whether you had a vaginal birth or a caesarean, the body needs time to recover. Pain, stitches, scarring, or fatigue are normal and valid. Honouring your recovery timeline without pressure is crucial. Don’t rush it; your body deserves more than a “back to normal” checklist.
Libido Shifts
Hormonal changes, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and emotional adjustments can all affect libido. Lower libido doesn’t mean something is broken, it just means your body is busy running the newborn marathon.
When to Wait (and When to Go Slow)
Six weeks is often mentioned as a guideline, but think of it more as a suggestion, not a deadline. Healing and sexual confidence take time, and everyone is different.
Consider waiting (or slowing down) if:
- Bleeding (Lochia) is still happening: Many prefer to wait until it has stopped.
- You have physical discomfort: Vaginal dryness (from lower oestrogen), soreness, or pelvic floor issues are common.
- You’re not emotionally or mentally ready: Sometimes, cuddles and Netflix feel sexier than sex itself, and that’s okay.
Pro Tips:
- Start with skin-to-skin, massage, or a slow cuddle session.
- Water-based lube is your new best friend no shame in using it.
Intimacy Beyond Intercourse
Sex isn’t just about penetration, thank goodness! Intimacy includes:
- Kissing, cuddling, and gentle massage.
- Skin-to-skin contact
- Laughing together at the chaos that is parenthood.
- Random acts of physical affection that have nothing to do with sex.
Reframing intimacy can relieve pressure and deepen your connection even when intercourse feels distant or challenging.
Midwife Advice (with a wink)
- Talk openly with your partner about fears, discomforts, and desires, yes, even the weird ones.
- Focus on pleasure, not performance, this isn’t an audition.
- Seek professional help if pain, anxiety, or relationship stress persists, there’s no shame in calling reinforcements.
Reclaiming Identity and Desire
Postpartum sexuality isn’t just about sex; it’s about feeling like you again. Your body, your mind, and your sense of self may have shifted, and rediscovering desire is part body awareness, part negotiating expectations (yours and your partner’s).
Practical steps:
- Gentle pelvic floor exercises to regain comfort.
- Mindful touch and noticing what feels good.
- Scheduling time for intimacy that feels safe, playful, and pleasurable.
Final Thoughts
Sex after birth is a journey, not a light switch. Healing, patience, communication, and redefining intimacy are key. Your experience is valid, your desire is valid, and your body deserves respect, care, and maybe chocolate.
If you’re struggling, don’t suffer in silence: reach out to a midwife, GP, pelvic health physiotherapist, or counsellor for personalised support.
