Bonding with your baby is a unique and personal journey. Some parents feel an instant connection, while for others it develops gradually over time. Both experiences are completely normal, so don’t worry if you don’t feel an immediate bond. Be kind to yourself; this is all new.
Bonding can begin during pregnancy and continues after your baby arrives through everyday interactions like skin-to-skin contact, play, talking, and baby massage. These moments help your baby feel safe, secure, and loved, while also supporting emotional, cognitive, and physical development.
Bonding During Pregnancy: How to Connect Before Birth
Bonding doesn’t have to wait until birth. From around 16–20 weeks of pregnancy, babies can hear sounds and respond to touch. Research shows that babies can recognise voices and rhythms they were exposed to in the womb. Early bonding also helps parents connect with the pregnancy itself.
Ways to bond with your baby during pregnancy:
- Talk to your baby: Chat about your day, your shopping list, or even your favourite TV shows.
- Sing or play music: Familiar tunes can help calm your baby after birth.
- Gently touch or rub your bump: Pressing on limbs is safe and can be a fun “hide and seek” game.
- Focus on your baby’s movements: Monitoring movements (typically 16–24 weeks) helps you connect and ensures baby’s wellbeing. Contact your local Maternity Assessment Unit if you notice unusual patterns.
Involve partners and siblings: Talking, singing, or placing hands on the bump helps the whole family feel connected. After birth, babies often respond to familiar voices, which provides comfort and safety.
Skin-to-Skin Contact: Essential for Newborn Bonding
Skin-to-skin contact is one of the most effective ways to bond with your baby immediately after birth and in the weeks and months that follow.
Benefits of skin-to-skin contact:
- Regulates baby’s temperature, heart rate, and breathing
- Reduces stress hormones for both parent and baby
- Supports breastfeeding and milk production
- Encourages feelings of calm, safety, and connection
The NHS recommends uninterrupted skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible after birth, ideally for at least one hour. Both mothers and partners can provide skin-to-skin care, making it a powerful bonding tool for all parents, especially when baby is unsettled or unwell.
Baby Massage: Strengthening Your Bond Through Touch
Touch is your baby’s primary way of experiencing the world. Baby massage is a gentle, nurturing way to strengthen your bond while supporting your baby’s wellbeing.
Benefits of baby massage:
- Improved sleep
- Reduced wind and digestive discomfort
- Relaxation and emotional regulation
- Increased parental confidence
Tips for baby massage:
- Choose a calm time when your baby is awake and content
- Use slow, gentle strokes and follow your baby’s cues
- Pause and try again later if your baby becomes unsettled, or use skin-to-skin to soothe them
Playtime: Bonding Through Everyday Interaction
Play is essential for bonding and early development, and it doesn’t need to be complicated. For babies, play is about shared attention, eye contact, and responsive interaction.
Simple ways to play with your baby:
- Copy facial expressions and sounds
- Play peek-a-boo
- Encourage tummy time with reassurance
- Follow your baby’s lead and respond to their cues
These playful moments help build secure attachment and support early brain development. Soon, your baby will reward you with eye contact, smiles, and giggles.
Talking, Singing, and Reading: Early Communication and Bonding
Your baby learns from your voice long before they understand words. Talking, singing, and reading are powerful bonding tools that also support communication and language development.
- Talking: Teaches tone, rhythm, and emotional expression, let your baby see your feelings.
- Singing: Helps calm babies and supports emotional regulation; pitch doesn’t matter.
- Reading: Builds comfort, routine, and early literacy skills, your baby is never too young for a book.
Familiar voices, songs, and stories create comfort and strengthen your bond.
When Bonding Feels Difficult
Bonding doesn’t always happen immediately. Birth trauma, feeding challenges, exhaustion, or postnatal mental health issues can affect how connected you feel.
If bonding feels difficult:
- You are not failing
- You are not alone
- Support is available from your midwife, GP, health visitor, trusted family/friends, and our Call the Midwife service
Early support can make a meaningful difference for both you and your baby.
Every Moment Counts
Bonding is not about perfection. It’s about presence, responsiveness, and allowing your relationship with your baby to develop in its own time. Every cuddle, word, and shared moment matters.
